So, what happened to me?

I truly intended to air my views on several aspects of life through my blog. Somehow, I have found myself derailed for such a long time. There were many times that I thought to return to post something but somehow I never got down to it earlier. I have experienced several ups and downs that affected my outlook, shook my confidence and bruised my emotions.

I can most certainly agree with those who have said that bad things can happen to good people.

From a christian point of view usually when bad things are happening to other people we are likely to speculate on the reasons behind what will be happening. The first thing is that we may think that it is because of some sins that the person may have committed, disobedience, lack of prayer, failing to hear from God, asking for the wrong things from God, punishment etc.

While it may be true sometimes, I guess it is not our job to figure things out. We have enough troubles of our own to worry about without speculating on things that are beyond our reach.

This time around, when I was up to my neck in trouble, I naturally speculated on the reason behind all the things that were happening to me. I felt like God had turned His back on me. I cried, I prayed, I fasted, I made declarations, I asked for prayers from lots of people. That is very, very unlike me. I normally have things well figured out. I am normally the one to encourage others to hang on in faith, believing God even when the situation on the ground is speaking otherwise. I am normally the one to preach to others on things that I think they may not be remembering when their boats are being rocked by life's tempests. I realise now, that it is one thing to be looking in from the sidelines and another thing to be towing the line. Spectators are the best soccer players, full of ideas and strategies, quick to pick the faults of the real players on the pitch.

I realise now that I overrated my confidence and trust in God, my understanding of things pertaining to life and spirituality. Trials have a way of bringing out what is hidden inside you. Through my experiences, I realise that I am a far cry from what I preach, what I have known and heard and even hold dear to my heart. May God help me not to be critical and judgemental of any other person. I need Him, more of Him in my life. Only God can sustain me and help me to keep my sanity. Only God can mould me into a virtuous woman of Proverbs 31. Only He can help me walk towards the prize, the crown that He has laid up for me. Only He can fulfill the dreams that I have which seem to have become dim from the dark smoke of trials and tribulations.